Maeghan and James: The Birth of Istselawindlii

I spent my 26th birthday photographing my first birth and witnessing the birth of a very good friend's baby. Zak had a wonderful surprise birthday picnic for me and as we were about to head out the door, we got the call for me to head over. When Odin was born, we were very low on money. I stopped paying my student loans for a little while in order to afford the homebirth we wanted. We quite literally, paid for our homebirth with every penny we had. We had to borrow money to pay rent for a bit before he was born! I am so happy that we were fortunate enough to have Odin at home and that we were able to find the help we needed around that time. Looking back now, I really wish we had a friend come to photograph the labor or had the money to hire someone to do so. I'm so giddy to have been able to provide that for James and Mae and I feel so very blessed to have been allowed such a beautiful opportunity.

It was definitely a birthday I will never forgot.

It all started Friday night at dinner when I felt this pain in my side. When I lied down two hours later for bed I had a liquid discharge with a little blood. I was so nervous, I knew that was the beginning. I went to sleep with my James and when I woke up I was cramping very mildly and debated on whether or not this was a good time to call Sybille. I called and she didn't seem to blink an eye. She told me to make sure I took a nap and went to bed early. I took a nap from 1-4 PM and around 5 the cramps were gearing me up for one of the most intense days of my life. 

I spent that whole night awake. No sooner did I lay my head down to sleep when I realized I was not going to be able to sleep. The contractions that I had had earlier that day were cramp like and sporadic but these were consistent. Starting around 12 PM that night before her birth, the contractions were 5-7 minutes apart, 30-50 sec. long and intense enough that I couldn't sleep. James stayed up till about 1 AM with me because he worked all day! Even if he couldn't get to sleep, I was glad he got rest because I needed him so much the next morning. I am so thankful he could be my rock. I spent the rest of the night having contractions, walking them off standing and resting in between.There was a spirit or electrical excitement in the air and so it was hard for us to sleep. We might have dozed off for forty or so minutes the whole night. By the time that we had finally resolve to be awake for the day (at 5am) and was having contractions that made it hard for me to focus on anything but the sensation and I was just starting to moan. It seemed like I was moaning for the entirety of the the twelve hours to follow. Over and over we found ourselves just clenching each others hands and moaning in unison, which at the time seemed to be the best way for us to breath through all of the sensations and feeling that was being transmitted into the room through the labor. Through the course of the labor we really didn't feel self conscious or apologetic, but there were a couple moments where James worried over what experience was turning into. Twice or so during labor I ended up breaking down and saying, "I don't want to do this anymore," and once I began to cry. I only ever had a matter of seconds to become absorbed in my worries because Sybille and Sunny coaxed me out of the idea of giving up each time. We had entered into childbirth knowing that we were determined to be capable of delivering the baby naturally. Whatever personal obstacles presented themselves, we knew that we would learn from overcoming them together as a whole.  One thing that I know we kept close at heart was that it was our family's day to shine and enjoy this prosperity of life.  

Morning came and I got into the bathtub and that was heaven on earth. Meanwhile, Sybille and Sunny were busy setting up the birthing rom with James and checking my vitals. My contractions slowed up a lot and I was quite comfortable for about an hour because the bath had slowed my early labor. 

Around 10:00 Am my second stage labor started, and boy was it intense. In the beginning, I moaned through each contraction; laying on my side and then I got up and walked around. I would lie down and get up, and then I got in the tub. Sybille, Sunny, and James all held my hips and massaged my lower back intermittently; someone (Sybille or Sunny or Michelle) put a washcloth on my head and got me a smoothie so that I had something to eat. I drank a lot of water. 

  I progressed and progressed and around 12 PM Sybille checked me for the first time and I was 8 cm. dilated. I will never forget the hold James had on my heart and soul. He held me tight through my every contraction and never let go. The pain seemed to level out and it wasn't getting more intense but it plateaued at an all time high. It was kinda like tweezing your eyebrows, it was hard and painful but after a while your pain tolerance goes up and it just wasn't getting worse anymore. Despite time passing, we were having a really hard time moving the baby down at a certain point. Sybille had speculated that it was the "bag of waters" being still intact that was holding up the labor, and she suggested that if we broke it manually that things might move along faster. James and I had spoken at length about how we wanted to make our baby's birth successful with as little intervention as possible. I was getting tired after being awake for nearly 24 hours, and faced with discomfort and exhaustion, there came a point I wanted it to be over. James and I spent some time alone in the bathroom with me on the toilet (Sybille had suggested that this might break the water membrane by straining it) and my moans calmed down. I collected my thoughts with James and we talked about my options. We decided it would be okay for Sybille to break my "Bag of Waters", and that this was a small sacrifice which our baby might even thank us for somehow someday. When we got back to the birthing room Sybille did just that and I got into the birthing tub and asked James to join me. He jumped right, in he didn't miss a beat. It helped that he remembered to wear his swim trunks. 

It wasn't long after my water was broken that I started pushing, almost immediately. At first, I didn't know how to push, I prolly spent a half hour learning :) Once I got the hang of it, I was on a roll. James was in front of me and Sunny was cheering me on, Michelle recording it all and Sybille was putting warm comfrey compresses on me to prevent me from tearing. I could feel the baby dropping and at some point they could see the head. Sybille and Sunny were monitoring the vitals on a microphone and they helped me time my pushing with my contractions and my breath while James held my hand. I felt like my body had ten hands; but actually it was all of them, moving perfectly in unison with the wave of birth. The baby's heart rate stayed steady and great and I was just pushing for fifteen minutes (51 min total) with the baby's head coming faster and faster each set of pushes. As soon as the baby's head came out Sybille noticed the umbilical cord around it's head. The hand was on their cheek and I had to push the baby the rest of the way out to untangle them. The moment our baby came out we stopped it from floating for only a second and unwrapped the cord from around it's neck, body, and legs and we all brought it to my chest. I could feel the surprise of the sex with my hand but kept the secret for a couple of minutes until everyone was in the room and someone asked James to look; he did and then we said, "It's a girl!". 

She stared right at me, right into my eyes, she looked right into my heart and soul. I looked at her knowing she was a girl in disbelief that I had actually birthed her and she was beautiful. We wrapped a towel around her and James and I took her into our embrace with awe and love. She latched on and began to breastfeed right away and James cut the cord after it stopped pulsating. When I was ready I got up to move to the bed and delivered the placenta. I laid in bed and held my beautiful new baby girl that we later named Istselawindlii Mae Jeanette Banks. Eye say la wind lee, in case you were wondering. A very magical name. At 7 lb. 10 oz., 21" long, she came earth side perfect for us. My daughter's birth was perfect because I trusted and believed in myself and my body, and because I had the most amazing, generous, and helpful support system. Thank You Don, Tiina, and Elizabeth for opening your home and hearts. Thank You Sybille for your experience and wisdom in building confidence and strength in myself and women everywhere to birth without fear. Thank You Sunny for teaching me to believe in myself, also for your experience and wisdom. Thank You Michelle for celebrating your birth day with us and capturing moments that I cant even thank you enough for every time I see them. Thank You James for your love and strength, for holding me and helping me through my journey. Thank You Family & Friends for supporting us. Thank You Istselawindlii for being part of your birth and my life. 

Thank you so much James and Mae for allowing me to be there to document such an amazing time in your lives. I will forever know and love little Istselawindlii, my birthday twin. 

little man

I couldn't decide between the top two photos even though I know they're almost identical. He looks like such a little boy in both of them and I'm terribly in love with it! It's so strange to watch him grow up so quickly. As a breastfeeding mama, I see him every day and spend my entire day with him. It's funny how days can go by without the slightest change and then all of a sudden it seems as if he's grown inches overnight. I can see him start to grow taller and leaner and I've noticed his weight's plateaued. Eleven months old now, and it's all happened so quickly. It's almost his first birthday and every now and then the air smells like it did on the day he was born.

We're currently moving out of our house in Sconset. I'm excited to be moving into a place for just our small family. It's bittersweet though. Odin was born in Sconset. His placenta is buried under a fig tree in the front yard. I'll miss our frequent bluff walks. As I've been packing and emptying out our room I've been having ridiculously vivid flashbacks. Odin was born less than 2 weeks after we initially moved in. The third bedroom was still empty and hadn't been rented to Max and Rachel just yet. Our room was still a little bare and hadn't quite acquired the layer of soil that comes with my gardening/landscaping love. Having emptied the room out in the same season we moved into it, it's hard not to remember that day that Odin was born. I won't be leaving that house without crying, I'm pretty sure. As sad as I am about leaving, I'm already having a brilliant time in our new place and I'm realizing more and more each day how beautiful my life is. I'm so very lucky!

Birth Story

So, here's the testimonial that I wrote for Sybille's website. Enjoy!

I found out I was pregnant for the first time while living on Nantucket Island. My boyfriend (a 5th generation Nantucket native) and I had plans to move off island after the summer and even after hearing the news, we decided to try and stick to that plan. After only a month or so of off-island traveling, we quickly realized there was nowhere else in the world we'd rather have our baby. So we moved back to the island when I was entering my third trimester. I knew I wanted a natural birth from the very beginning and soon after discovering I was pregnant, I began the endless amounts of birth research. I watched countless documentaries and read tons of books about birth and how it had changed over the past century. I read a lot about birth practices in other countries and how our country's birth system compared to theirs. Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin really confirmed the fact that I wanted a natural birth (I thought that a homebirth would be perfect), so after arriving back to the island we began to research our options on Nantucket. We both really wanted a homebirth after reading all of the testimonials on Sybille's website but because of financial reasons, I began to doubt myself and my desire for that beautiful birth I had envisioned. My health insurance wouldn't cover a homebirth, and our traveling had somewhat depleted our funds. The decision between calling Sybille and "settling" on a (hopefully natural) hospital birth weighed in my mind. The indecisiveness began to really upset me and I remember feeling completely out of control of my own birthing process. I had been meeting with a doctor at the Nantucket Cottage Hospital for my prenatal visits who was nice and very supportive of my desire for a natural birth, but I decided to meet with Sybille and see how our first meeting went.

I remember reading that if the baby was discovered to be breech before the 36th week, it would be easier to assist the baby in turning head down. Having done a ton of research, I had many little concerns about things that would prevent me from having a natural birth in the back of my mind. I wanted to know more about my baby and my body. I brought up all my concerns (including this one) with my doctor and he took the time to sit back down and answer all of my questions, but I still wasn't settled by the answers. During my first meeting with Sybille, we talked for more than an hour at her house. She provided me with in-depth answers that really made me comfortable. When I brought up my breech concern, she offered to show me how the baby was positioned in the womb. She showed me where the baby's back was, where it's bottom was, and where it's head was (babe's head was down)! I felt like Sybille had already formed a connection with my baby, which meant so much to me. She also made me feel more in tune with my body and baby in that single first meeting than I had felt throughout my entire pregnancy. I left Sybille's house that day feeling so much more confident and in control, I knew that a homebirth was exactly what I wanted. 

Zak and I talked over the week about where the funds would come from and how we would manage it, but as soon as we officially decided to go with the homebirth (which we even flipped a coin for, once that coin's in the air you know what you really want) I began to feel so positive. My meetings with Sybille were so different than my pre-natal appointments with the doctor, she lent me videos and books and got to know me and my baby. We talked about everything, including the pregnancy, everyday stresses, and what was happening in my life. She showed me videos of births and talked to me about her experiences. She trusted in my body which made me feel like I could do the same. I gained so much confidence as a woman in that last month and a half of my pregnancy. I feel as if Sybille became a friend through those prenatal appointments and I knew we had made the right decision. 

My entire pregnancy seemed to follow every textbook standard, and I knew it. The first day of my missed period, I knew something was different and went to get a pregnancy test. It was positive. At my first sonogram, I told the nurse that I knew for certain that I was exactly 12 weeks. As soon as she measured my little fetus, she agreed and said I was exactly 12 weeks according to his (although I didn't know it was a "he" at that point) measurements. I knew throughout my pregnancy that it was a boy, but knew I'd be happy either way. My original due date was the 28th but during my second sonogram I was told it was the 26th. Zak and I joked that I was most likely going to go into labor on my due date, but since that was rare for first time moms we didn't really expect it. 

On April 26th, I remember feeling something was different with my body. I told Zak as he left for work that morning that the babe was coming that day. Later on, I went to visit Nantucket's doula Sunny. We had hoped she'd be able to attend our birth with Sybille and her assistant Annie since she had also become a friend through childbirth classes and pre-natal appointments. We had snacks and talked about birth, babies, art, and life. When I left, I told her that I was going into labor that night. It came out as a joke but 6 hours later, I was in labor.

I called Sybille at about 9:30 that night, when the contractions started along with a few other signs that this was the real thing (bloody show!). Sybille told me that I should try and sleep through the night and that I should call if the contractions became too much or too close together. I tried for the entire night to sleep, but couldn't. I probably slept for about an hour. Zak was really awesome, he managed to sleep between my contractions and if one was particularly unbearable he'd sit up to rub my back. At about 4:30 in the morning we called Sybille for the okay to sit in the bathtub. At 8 in the morning, we called her again and she decided it was time! She was at our house soon after and began to set up the birthing tub. 

Sybille was definitely in her zone while I was in labor. After about an hour, she asked if I wanted to see how far along I was. I desperately wanted to know and promised not to be disappointed if I wasn't as dilated as I thought I was. I was 4 cm! Immediately afterwards, my water broke and things really started to progress. Sunny and Annie headed over to the house and I jumped (waddled through contractions, really) into the birthing tub. I was definitely in the zone and don't really remember Sunny and Annie's arrival. Everyone was awesome at making me comfortable. I remember having a lot of back pain, but everyone was there to help me through each contraction applying pressure where and when needed. Sybille continued to remind me to stay confident- especially when I would complain about the pain! In the moment, everything seemed like it was lasting forever. I remember some of the contractions towards the end and thinking they would never end.

I remember feeling myself sink into the transition phase trance. Up until this point, the front pain of the contractions had been barely noticeable since my back seemed to hurt more than anything else. Now, the pain was pretty evenly matched. I felt the head move further down into my pelvis. My body knew when it was time to push and I followed its lead. I pushed for a short time in the tub before everyone decided it would be easier to push while on my bed. I waddled between contractions back to the bed (I remember feeling like I had to rush- I wanted to be in my bed before another contraction came). Even though initially I looked at Sybille like she was crazy when she asked me to move from tub to bed, I was really thankful she did. I remember feeling like I wasn't pushing hard enough or that we weren't progressing fast enough but once I was on my bed I was able to move differently and push more effectively. I was tired at that point from my lack of sleep the night before and was receiving oxygen, but I wanted that baby out and pushed with all the strength I could muster during contractions. 

With only a few more pushes (I don't quite remember how long it was, but I'm pretty sure it happened fairly quickly), at 12:43 pm, Odin Rainer Bahamut MacKay was born. Everyone sort of gasped at how big he was (it explained a lot about his passage through my pelvis), my little man was born at 10 pounds! Sybille caught him and placed him on my stomach. I was so overjoyed and overwhelmed I didn't even know if he was a boy or girl for the first 10 minutes of his life! Zak cut the cord and was equally thrilled. He had been by my side the entire time and the birth brought us so much closer. Sybille's presence made me so much more confident and when I thought I couldn't do it, she was there to remind me I could and that I would!

Happiest and most intense day of my life! I love that little man oh so much!